refinery

whenever we're sick and in bed, God becomes our nurse, nurses us back to health. i said, "God be gracious! Put me together again -- my sins have torn me to pieces."

-psalm 40:3-4

just when i thought ive become a better person, God brought me to my knees all over again. God revealed to me that ive changed, and not for the better. He brought to me gaby, a friend who knows me well and was used by God to serve as my mirror -- i now see who ive become as i "grew up".

while it is true that i have more practical, smart and grown-up learnings under my belt, i compromised love, compassion, zeal, kindness and thoughtfulness. how arrogant was i to think that ive gone a level up in my life. i was more concerned of what everybody will say than on what God sees.

it hurts to be told how filthy you are. God didn't tell it to my face, but His purity and holiness are always enough to let me know ive gone too far away. he took me to the desert where there's only the two of us: His holiness and my filth. He taught me lessons, reminded me of what my values are, made me cry because He loves me still and more.

my perspective is changed now. God is preparing me for something, i know. i don't know what exactly, but whatever brings me closer to Him i embrace with my heart. if He wants to take something away from me, id let go. the only constant thing in my life is Jesus, and for more of His glory i give myself away with His help and His grace.

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