home alone thoughts

i orginally wrote something that was really really long, but i dont fancy long blog entries, so here's a concise, reader's digest version of what i think about when im home alone. which is mostly everyday. like right now. 


after weeks of staying in the house and being rid of the need to wake up to the demands of an office, I'm now in some sort of a pit stop, where the following take place and take over my thoughts, sometimes simultaneously, sometimes as individual thoughts carefully placed in labeled capsules in my mind. 

1. i haven't blogged for ages. this comes from my late night bedtimes and late morning wakeup times. if before i would get to the office at around 8am and blog to crank up my sleepy mind for serious work to do, now i don't have such. i wake up at 10am and go "shucks i missed two hours of work. i better get to it fast." as a result, my blogging time is compromised. ill get around to it. 

2. we are now sort of running a business. all of gail's thoughts and energy are poured into this: foreveryday photography. he'd randomly call me from the other room and throw me a new idea, as if I'm always ready to hear them. when I'm pinning pins on Pinterest (i love that phrase btw), i seldom catch his drift and just go "yeah thats nice." ill get around to it. 

3. I've been fearful. its amazing how years of employment has molded me into this company-dependent person. i don't have healthcare anymore, what if i catch a virus tomorrow? that's one thought that never crossed my mind when i had healthcare, even though each and every day of the week i had to risk myself and my health by commuting, you know, when i actually had the chance to catch viruses. now I'm always at home catching nothing and giving viruses a hard time finding me in my room. 

4. God completes me. with everything that's been going on in the past months, with all the adjustments, risks and dives that I've been doing, i came to the realization that nothing else in the world can take away the real peace in my heart. you know how when youre alone you start to imagine things? the bad kind? well i did that one day and i thought of how a lot of other people are doing much better than i am in different aspects of their lives. i tried to imagine all the bad stuff that may happen to me. 

i felt a tiny bit of jealousy and a whole blanket of love, warmth and assurance from the truth that whatever happens whenever it happens wherever it happens, i have God and He has me in His hands. the peace isolated me from all my thoughts, it presented itself as the single possession that i know for sure will never be taken away from me. 

God steadied my heart, and i slipped out of my thoughts renewed, happier than ever. i didn't have to go some place, i didn't have to buy myself ice cream. God's amazing (and really healthy) that way.

ps: we're running a series in church called "That Thing You Do" where we talk about reading the Bible and how it should be our thing every single day. lets go!


ps: i found this video online (where else, right?) of a guy reading a one-star review from Yelp. it's hilarious! i hope he reads youtube comments next time, mas intense. :p