how we found out

(this is one of the many drafts sitting in my laptop. im keeping my pledge to myself: just keep blogging.)

first, here's a song that reminds me of my baby in my womb. whenever i hear it, i see my baby. and i know s/he will even be more beautiful than my vision. give it a listen as you read. mas masaya. :p 

the journey to having a baby is one part exciting and one part scary. magkakababy kaya kami? are we healthy enough for it? i even googled "how to get pregnant" on our 2-month baby-making mark, and i researched if gail's anti-asthma medicines were hindering us from being successful at it. 

around a week prior to us finding out, jhorace texted me and told me that God prompted her to speak of a vision. "sky is coming," she said. i got super thrilled, knowing that God's promise stands and indeed, our baby sky is coming soon. 

it was also around this time that one of our churchmates told me to sit down and relax while we were talking, because "baka ka makunan." i told her "wala pa pong baby," but she said "meron na yan." so again, my faith was boosted. 

within just three months of trying, i was already struggling. i got frustrated every time people would ask, id ask God and id ask gail. thankfully, God always assures me, and gail always tells me that God knows the best time for baby to come. 

the day before my birthday, i bought a pregnancy test kit. i wasn't so excited about it. i wanted my expectations to be manageable. i just wanted to test because in case it's a positive, maiingatan ko na ang sarili ko agad. at syempre, alam nyo na ang nangyari, positive! i held back tears as i saw the two lines form, i didn't want gail to know yet. i wanted it to be my birthday gift for him. but my self control (and the lack of it) got the better of me. i went what the heck I'm telling him, and tossed the pregnancy kit to his laptop. when he saw it, he said "anong ibig sabihin nito?" smiling. i spoke with my eyes and he hugged me tight. 

the first one to know was my mom, because i wanted to know if i had to do anything. she said to just take care. oo nga naman. and remember she was the one who advised me to just "let the love flow" and not to get pressured about having a baby. love flowed all right. 

we haven't stopped daydreaming ever since. ano kayang mannerisms nya, ano kayang personality ang mabubuo nya, what will be baby's favorite songs and dances? we tirelessly pray for him/her. my personal prayer is that s/he takes everything from his/her dad, except the asthma and the dancing. :p 

sometimes we look at our living room and we feel that it's so empty. good thing somebody's coming along to fill the house with all sorts of joy and fun. we just can't wait. 

ps: sabay bang natapos ang pagbabasa mo at ang music? kung oo, ang galing mo! 

some nights

after seeing my name and my words in a blog read by many, i thought to myself, i can do this. i can write. i don't write, write, like a professional fiction writer with words like "behooves" and "plethora", but i know i can get across what's in my mind, and I'm always satisfied with what comes out. 

but here we be, with a blog barely breathing with once-a-month posts. is my life that boring that i haven't written anything in ages? actually, it's been great. I'm pregnant! and stuff! but i just cannot get myself to write in this webspace. 

i enjoy back reading my entries, because they remind me of feelings I've had before, of words i miraculously weaved together. sometimes i cannot imagine being able to use such words to express my mind. i think every person who enjoys writing feels the same way every time they go back to their past works. knucks, works! as if! 

with the response i got from the blog entry i wrote for pastor dennis sy's, I'm challenged all the more to push myself and to just blog. in fact, i have a confession to make: i have a lot of entries in my drafts folder. i just feel like they're unworthy of being published, not like the previous ones i wrote. just like any "artist", i feel a sense of pride in some of the blog entries here, and a lot of cringe in those i do not like. nevertheless, each and every post here is a page of my memory, so why should i stop? 

so I'm not stopping. see ya after two days! :) 

ps: i names the blog entry after a song which, after i listened to it, made me just post this draft that has been sitting for days. give it a listen!

i love you because i know no other way.

i didn't know it was remotely possible to fall in love with someone i have never set eyes on, but i did, and i fell hard.

you're that work of art marked by the two crosses, inside your temporary home

i can't stop thinking about you. you're tiny (they say you're around an inch now), but you consume me like no other. your daddy tells me he can't stop thinking of you as well. i can tell you're the most beautiful kid we will ever set eyes on, and we can't wait for that day. 

ps: you've got your daddy's eyes. ;)